As a Mother

It starts with a test; remains one for years to come. One that is positive. You are positively pregnant. Experiencing joy, knowing that new life is forming in you.. and then it hits you. For the next lifetime, you are responsible for a life. You touch your flat belly, and wonder. Wonder what they'll look like, will it be a boy or a girl, will they be healthy, happy, what talents they'll possess. You experience sickness, and body changes. You research and discover things about yourself, about your bodies changing needs. You feel the life within you start to grow. Your stomach bears resemblance to a beach ball in the middle of a summers beach day. You wake up in the middle of the night, or stop what you're doing in the middle of the day... your stomach begins to ache, you know you get to meet your child. You go through what seems like endless hours of pain, you push, and you writhe, and you deliver a beautiful baby.

You nurture and love this tiny human, something so powerful, and yet so needy at the same time. You watch this tiny human grow, learning, changing, evolving. You smile at first words, and first steps. You feel immense amounts of overwhelming joy at times, and experience overwhelming fears, and frustrations too. You hear "No" for the first time, and hang a first drawn picture on the fridge. You handle three wheels, then training wheels, then two wheels. You have an exuberant amount of bandaids, and have gone through what seems like thousands, kissing every boo-boo, and trying not to cry because your child is in pain. You watch as they leave you for the first time to start school, and hold back your tears at the independence your child is gaining.
You share in behaviour issues, and growing pains. Tooth losses, and tooth fairies. Santa Clause, and the Easter Bunny. You may often feel like you're not doing enough, or wonder if you're doing the right things, exposing your child correctly to the world. If you show them you love them enough, or too much. If you're building their independence correctly, or smothering them. You get advise from family, and from unsavory choices - wondering if the advice you are being given is correct.

And then... you realize... your child is amazing. You HAVE done a fantastic job. Your child is happy, and healthy, and normal. That you are the best Mommy you can be. That your child loves you unconditionally.