Yoga is something that's become a bit of a fundamental base for me in the past few months. It was something that I always wanted to get into, and I became so addicted to it. Its something that's amazing for stress release, and emotional release too.
The gym as well, and combining the two of them.
I have found that throughout this last year or so, the introduction of yoga and the gym has done a lot for my body, but it's done a lot for my mind too.
About two years ago, I am pretty sure I hit somewhere dark in my mind, in my heart. I couldn't tell you what happened, or why, or if there was a specific trigger - but it took over me and didn't let go until my feet started hitting literal pavement.
I took up running. I did some retail therapy, and it resulted in some work out clothing, expensive runners, and a gym pass. I started slow. I went to the gym a few days a week, I started at running slowly, a few mins on the treadmill, a few on the elliptical. My cardio was shit, but I kept at it. Before the introduction of a physical routine, I was a defeatist, and those who know me well, would tell you that is 100% truth. Instead of trying to find a solution to things, defeat was easier to accept.
It took a life altering choice to make this decision.
I turned the world of two people I cared about upside down, and inside out. It wasn't MY world that was broken.. it was theirs. I was convinced that they were both so incredibly screwed up, that it couldn't possibly be me. With one, I just pushed him away. I didn't do it the right way. I spent a good year and a half breaking down.
The other, was much worse. I took a thousand wrong steps, and broke that life into pieces. It resulted in two perfectly normal people, becoming completely messed up. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, and I just sank into my selfishness.
It took these two situations in less than 6 months, to realize that I couldn't just point fingers at other people anymore. I was angry at myself. I hated who I was, who I had become, and what I had done to hurt people I cared about. I don't know, but I'm sure I hurt more than just those two people. Anyways..I couldn't make things right overnight, I had to take time, and make the effort.
The effort started at the gym, and the amount of things I have realized maybe because of being alone, pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion. It took hours upon hours of bending and stretching and finding my center. Breathing, and sweating, and focusing. It really did clear my head. Loud music, (loud Prem Joshua) and doing things that I didn't think my body could do. It turned itself into being surprised at what my mind could do. I've read for years the benefits of physical activity on depression, but I never really understood it.
I have made changes, and seen a lot of light in seemingly dark tunnels. I have accepted what it was I have done, and discoveries are made every day, and I'm more okay now than I have been in a long time. Before to have things that I have done wrong discussed with me, I would have gone off the deep end. I was "perfect". I am not perfect. I don't WANT to be perfect. I want to be real. I want to be me. I want to be loved for being me, the me that people in my life have deserved for years, instead of the me that I wanted to be.
The true you is an invaluable discovery. For some, athletics can be a key to finding it. For me, it opened a million and one doors to myself that I didn't even know were closed.
And now, I can truly say, that I am on a strong path to happiness, but more importantly, I am taking stock in the people in my life that deserve to have the REAL me.
The gym as well, and combining the two of them.
I have found that throughout this last year or so, the introduction of yoga and the gym has done a lot for my body, but it's done a lot for my mind too.
About two years ago, I am pretty sure I hit somewhere dark in my mind, in my heart. I couldn't tell you what happened, or why, or if there was a specific trigger - but it took over me and didn't let go until my feet started hitting literal pavement.
I took up running. I did some retail therapy, and it resulted in some work out clothing, expensive runners, and a gym pass. I started slow. I went to the gym a few days a week, I started at running slowly, a few mins on the treadmill, a few on the elliptical. My cardio was shit, but I kept at it. Before the introduction of a physical routine, I was a defeatist, and those who know me well, would tell you that is 100% truth. Instead of trying to find a solution to things, defeat was easier to accept.
It took a life altering choice to make this decision.
I turned the world of two people I cared about upside down, and inside out. It wasn't MY world that was broken.. it was theirs. I was convinced that they were both so incredibly screwed up, that it couldn't possibly be me. With one, I just pushed him away. I didn't do it the right way. I spent a good year and a half breaking down.
The other, was much worse. I took a thousand wrong steps, and broke that life into pieces. It resulted in two perfectly normal people, becoming completely messed up. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, and I just sank into my selfishness.
It took these two situations in less than 6 months, to realize that I couldn't just point fingers at other people anymore. I was angry at myself. I hated who I was, who I had become, and what I had done to hurt people I cared about. I don't know, but I'm sure I hurt more than just those two people. Anyways..I couldn't make things right overnight, I had to take time, and make the effort.
The effort started at the gym, and the amount of things I have realized maybe because of being alone, pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion. It took hours upon hours of bending and stretching and finding my center. Breathing, and sweating, and focusing. It really did clear my head. Loud music, (loud Prem Joshua) and doing things that I didn't think my body could do. It turned itself into being surprised at what my mind could do. I've read for years the benefits of physical activity on depression, but I never really understood it.
I have made changes, and seen a lot of light in seemingly dark tunnels. I have accepted what it was I have done, and discoveries are made every day, and I'm more okay now than I have been in a long time. Before to have things that I have done wrong discussed with me, I would have gone off the deep end. I was "perfect". I am not perfect. I don't WANT to be perfect. I want to be real. I want to be me. I want to be loved for being me, the me that people in my life have deserved for years, instead of the me that I wanted to be.
The true you is an invaluable discovery. For some, athletics can be a key to finding it. For me, it opened a million and one doors to myself that I didn't even know were closed.
And now, I can truly say, that I am on a strong path to happiness, but more importantly, I am taking stock in the people in my life that deserve to have the REAL me.
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