What I thought I knew yesterday, isn't the same as what I know today. Learning and growing is such a huge part of who I am right now. Thriving and sharing, is something else I hold close.
Do we always know how things are supposed to work out? Do we always know the reasons for the way things happen? I think that a lot of the lessons I have learned in the last 5 years, have been to help me grow. It's always been letting me grow - and grow I have, and growing I'll keep doing.
Everyone you know has been placed in your life for a reason. I don't know what everyones reason is, and sometimes some of you seem to complicate things more than others, however - you're all important. I need you, and you need me too sometimes. This is a normal thing for any relationship.
Is part of letting go, and having closure on things as complex as we once thought? I thought that through many situations in my life, some near, and some far, that I have received the closure that I found necessary to deal with a lot of the situations in my past. To be able to move on with the future. To be able to live in today.
I have found that being driven to be the best, to not be ordinary, to be.. memorable - well it isn't worth the price it took on other people, or myself. My insecurities. Those are what drove me to do so many of the negative things that I've done. So many of the poor choices, or not well thought out decisions. Everyone has the desire to be loved, and I am no different than anyone else. I needed to take myself off the pedestal that I had kept myself on, and learn humility. I needed to learn that everyone is extraordinary in their own ways, not just me. That it was okay to fail, to be weak.
With everything that has gone on in my life since leaving BC, and moving here, it would be foolish for me to think that I haven't changed as a person. I have changed a lot. I have learned humility, and regret. I am humiliated by my behaviour in some more than specific situations. I am ashamed of how low I let things go. I am ashamed of the hurt and the pain that I have caused, and just because I haven't spoken about it til now, doesn't mean that it hasn't been on my mind a million and one times. The ability to see the past in a different light, and know that things could have been done differently, is something that's always been really easy for me, but really hard to accept.
I hate referring to this as "the path", but really, isn't everything a path?
I was wrong. I did things the wrong way. I should have just ended it. Thats the way it always turns out, that I should have just ended it. I have hurt so many people because of my inability to deal with things, and I don't know when I stopped being able to, but I just.. did.
So here is the fork in the road. I have started down the path that looks like it can lead to things that are a lot better than they have been. I am going with an open mind, without expectations. With humility, and shame, without pride or judgement.
For the right reasons.
Do we always know how things are supposed to work out? Do we always know the reasons for the way things happen? I think that a lot of the lessons I have learned in the last 5 years, have been to help me grow. It's always been letting me grow - and grow I have, and growing I'll keep doing.
Everyone you know has been placed in your life for a reason. I don't know what everyones reason is, and sometimes some of you seem to complicate things more than others, however - you're all important. I need you, and you need me too sometimes. This is a normal thing for any relationship.
Is part of letting go, and having closure on things as complex as we once thought? I thought that through many situations in my life, some near, and some far, that I have received the closure that I found necessary to deal with a lot of the situations in my past. To be able to move on with the future. To be able to live in today.
I have found that being driven to be the best, to not be ordinary, to be.. memorable - well it isn't worth the price it took on other people, or myself. My insecurities. Those are what drove me to do so many of the negative things that I've done. So many of the poor choices, or not well thought out decisions. Everyone has the desire to be loved, and I am no different than anyone else. I needed to take myself off the pedestal that I had kept myself on, and learn humility. I needed to learn that everyone is extraordinary in their own ways, not just me. That it was okay to fail, to be weak.
With everything that has gone on in my life since leaving BC, and moving here, it would be foolish for me to think that I haven't changed as a person. I have changed a lot. I have learned humility, and regret. I am humiliated by my behaviour in some more than specific situations. I am ashamed of how low I let things go. I am ashamed of the hurt and the pain that I have caused, and just because I haven't spoken about it til now, doesn't mean that it hasn't been on my mind a million and one times. The ability to see the past in a different light, and know that things could have been done differently, is something that's always been really easy for me, but really hard to accept.
I hate referring to this as "the path", but really, isn't everything a path?
I was wrong. I did things the wrong way. I should have just ended it. Thats the way it always turns out, that I should have just ended it. I have hurt so many people because of my inability to deal with things, and I don't know when I stopped being able to, but I just.. did.
So here is the fork in the road. I have started down the path that looks like it can lead to things that are a lot better than they have been. I am going with an open mind, without expectations. With humility, and shame, without pride or judgement.
For the right reasons.
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