An odd sense of rambling.

I have been trying to figure out the draw towards specific relationship types for a while now. Like for me. I tend to meet people who need guidance and assistance. Its unintentional, for sure, however I am drawn to the type that like me to be a rock for them.

What causes people to pick relationships that way?

I have struggled to find the reasons why I am attracted to those kind of people in my life. I don't know if it's that I have a soft spot for those who seem to need the extra love that I have to give, or if it's that I'm a fixer, but it's a constant in my life.

Maybe it's the fact that I feel superior to people sometimes. Being able to look at things logically instead of emotionally has been something of a plus for me, emotionally speaking, however, it leaves me coming across as a judgmental callous bitch sometimes too. (which I absolutely hate.)

I think some of it is self preservation. Fear to let someone into my heart and ending up hurt, and some of it, is just well...me being logical. Nothing harmful meant by it, but I know it doesn't always come across that way. However in the end it always leaves me being the one sheltered when it ends, instead of being broken up inside.

Then theres friends of mine, who over the years, have had every type of poor relationship imaginable. These are the friends my heart always goes out to, because I know that for a lot of them, they just don't have enough faith in themselves, and their capabilities. It breaks my heart that they hurt for so long, when they're worth more than the pain they're allowing themselves to go through.

In the end, and at the end of the day, the only people we have to answer to, are ourselves. We're the judge and the jury in our own lives - and when I answer to me, I sleep well, knowing I am the best me that I can be, and although mistakes are made, I can always do better tomorrow.

And there, I find my renewal in sleep.